Kyla's Diary

Mistress is a bit more aggressive the last few days and she is determined to get me back in the right mindset to submit unconditionally to her. This causes two feelings in me:

• Resistance
  For a long time we have been very free with each other where the balance slowly shifted from being Mistress/sub to being friends. Not that it was ever gone of course but the reins were long enough to give us both more freedom to move outside our regular roles. Now this freedom is taken from me again and it automatically causes the feeling that I have to resist.
• Excitement
  Even if I feel resistance in me, I need to feel restrained and I actually love having less freedom in favour of Mistress's wishes.

This sounds crazy perhaps but these two battle in each other. Shortening the reins makes me very excited but I am likely to make mistakes during the process. Once the reins are shortened, that level is easy to maintain but of course Mistress will pull a little harder and it starts all over again till the next level is reached. Since I have been kept short in the past, I know it will not be a problem to get back to that level but it takes a little time to travel to it.

I don't think that this is anybody's mistake as we were contented for a while with me having more freedom. Sure, I should do my very best to be there again as fast as possible and of course I will make mistakes on my way there. Well, nothing some discipline can't fix as I already feel myself deliciously restricted again and look forward to being more restricted.

One of the things Mistress tried to introduce 2 days ago is way to restrict me more than I have ever before. I've always seen it as a silly way and never considered going that deep. Maybe the timing was not well when she tried to introduce me to something deeper while I was kept on a long leash at that time. Since then I have been reeled in though and yesterday in a very relaxed talk we agreed on trying it out despite what I said the day before that.

The step from relative freedom to tight restriction was perhaps too far to take all at once. After the thought settled in and a very good and productive evening yesterday I am ready for it though.

Will this mean that I won't make mistakes in my tight restriction? No way! I know I will resist once in a while when something happens that I am not ready for at that moment.

What does it mean then? Nothing more than that I'm willing to cooperate and give Mistress the chance to restrict my freedom again and more than in the past. That I will make mistakes again is beyond doubt. As long as Mistress is willing to correct me for it and be patient at times then I will get there and promise to do my very best to reach Mistress's target for me.

Love,
Kyla