Kyla's Diary

Mistress is a bit more aggressive the last few days and she is determined to get me back in the right mindset to submit unconditionally to her. This causes two feelings in me:

• Resistance
  For a long time we have been very free with each other where the balance slowly shifted from being Mistress/sub to being friends. Not that it was ever gone of course but the reins were long enough to give us both more freedom to move outside our regular roles. Now this freedom is taken from me again and it automatically causes the feeling that I have to resist.
• Excitement
  Even if I feel resistance in me, I need to feel restrained and I actually love having less freedom in favour of Mistress's wishes.

This sounds crazy perhaps but these two battle in each other. Shortening the reins makes me very excited but I am likely to make mistakes during the process. Once the reins are shortened, that level is easy to maintain but of course Mistress will pull a little harder and it starts all over again till the next level is reached. Since I have been kept short in the past, I know it will not be a problem to get back to that level but it takes a little time to travel to it.

I don't think that this is anybody's mistake as we were contented for a while with me having more freedom. Sure, I should do my very best to be there again as fast as possible and of course I will make mistakes on my way there. Well, nothing some discipline can't fix as I already feel myself deliciously restricted again and look forward to being more restricted.

One of the things Mistress tried to introduce 2 days ago is way to restrict me more than I have ever before. I've always seen it as a silly way and never considered going that deep. Maybe the timing was not well when she tried to introduce me to something deeper while I was kept on a long leash at that time. Since then I have been reeled in though and yesterday in a very relaxed talk we agreed on trying it out despite what I said the day before that.

The step from relative freedom to tight restriction was perhaps too far to take all at once. After the thought settled in and a very good and productive evening yesterday I am ready for it though.

Will this mean that I won't make mistakes in my tight restriction? No way! I know I will resist once in a while when something happens that I am not ready for at that moment.

What does it mean then? Nothing more than that I'm willing to cooperate and give Mistress the chance to restrict my freedom again and more than in the past. That I will make mistakes again is beyond doubt. As long as Mistress is willing to correct me for it and be patient at times then I will get there and promise to do my very best to reach Mistress's target for me.

Love,
Kyla

The past few days I have been getting some strange mood swings. I'm not the only one on that as Mistress has it too at times. My problem is that she is better able to control them than I am. When I'm in a mood like that then there is almost nothing that I don't see something bad about too and of course have to comment on.

Once in a while Miss has a period in which she has a lot of energy, does all kind of impulsive things and needs to be very gently hold back a little. If not then before you know it you live in outer space, the bottom of the ocean, in a swamp, on the highest mountain, in a cave, in heaven or in hell or anything she comes up with.

OK... Of course this is much exaggerated but the general feeling of this is correct. Recently Miss wanted to hide our beautiful island in fog and storm clouds. Nothing wrong with that once in a while on a tropical island but, it would be good if you could turn it on and off or at least be able to have it only occasionally. That was regretfully not possible so the idea ended as fast as it started. What left was a slightly unsatisfied feeling on my side as I love to please Miss and make things how she likes them to be.

Miss simply has the urge to change things at times. The same feeling that I have too btw, even if I might be somewhat less impulsive in what I place. So I asked Miss if she would like to change things so we could incorporate what she wanted to. Miss agreed at first with me but when I suggested a few days later to actually follow up with it, she had second thoughts. She said it was because she loves the place and would not like it to be destroyed. My feeling is that it was also because she is afraid that I get tired of changing things.

I have to admit that I like our place and I have to get used to the idea of having to start over again. On the other hand... I built good looking places before and simply destroy them as easily as I build them up just because I feel like doing something new. Once I am used to the idea, my brain gets in overdrive with all kind of opportunities. Lots way too far fetched but lots of usable ideas too though. So when Miss stopped me after all, I was kind of disappointed as well as relieved.

I simply adjust to Miss's wishes but of course give my honest opinion. If she wants to have rain and fog on our isle then I think it looks bad in the present setup but would love to find a way to make it look good and build it for her.

Maybe to be continued?

Love,
Kyla

The past week was more relaxing than usual. Miss is often tired in the evenings and does not need a girl right now that is overly naughty and active.

So instead we have been shopping, once in a while been running around in our favourite sim and had a photo shoot that comprised two evenings of hopping from one pose to the other: One day at home and a second day in the photo studio. The photo shoot was meant as a surprise to Miss: A sort of official collection of photo's of the two of us that will always be a memory to all the good times we have had and hope to get in the future.

I've been in a somewhat nostalgic mood lately, longing for something that slowly seems to slip from my grip but that I can not lay my finger on what it is. Miss and I love each other as much as ever and I feel extremely comfortable in her arms or to hold her in mine. Maybe it is the reaction on a fairly turbulent period we had before this (see my previous entries). Add to that a very turbulent period for Miss' IRL and you have potential disaster. That we do not get that is because we are extremely cautious with each other, which shows to me we are always fighting and working on our relationship.

I spend less time online than in the past and plan more on the times Miss is there. That means less boredom when I'm online as I do not have to wait doing something to kill time. I even proposed Miss to go somewhere else together with me if she was bored of SL. I would give up SL then though as I do not wish to be active on more than one terrain. As long as I can be together with Miss, it is enough for me. Every evening again, I look forward to being with her (and then she calls me addictive ☺)

Ohhh I stopped my "job" in a sim we are often in. Therefore I think to have more time to write entries here: Entries that are always appreciated by Miss.

Love,
Kyla

Here a follow up to an entry I made earlier.

In that entry I described how much of a turn-on it is to me to be at Miss' mercy and came to the conclusion that it might be good to do other things once in a while. Things done together, without others disturbing us with it.

The last few weeks have been really lousy on that aspect. It seems as if we're always among others and therefore give each other less attention than before. That doesn't mean we love each other any less. That feeling never fades. But the longing to be at times just be together or if we are in public, to role-play together instead of with others, remains.

In general I have nice role-play in the sim we are in together. I'm not sure if Miss' has the same but in any case: What would be "nice" with the best role-players becomes "a total turn-on" if done together with Miss.

Sure, our time is less than before but we seem to waste a lot of time with less relevant things when we are together instead of concentrate on each other. The feeling I have with it is that from the 4 hours/day we spent before, we were 50% of the time only concentrating on each other. And from the 1.5 hours we are together these days, maybe half an hour is spent like that.

I can't help thinking that at times our priorities, when we are together, could be way better. If we go exploring then it is not necessary to spend half an hour dressing up and then come to the conclusion that the sim we are in is nearly empty so nobody sees us in the first place. This is a very recent example where we had a total of 90 minutes together where the first half hour was totally wasted.

This goes 2 ways and we should simply tell that to each other. At times Miss seems to have strange priorities in my eyes. At other times I have them in Miss' eyes. If the goal of the evening is to spend time role-playing then let's dress up and role-play. If the goal is to dance together then let's quickly find a place and go. If it is to spend time together looking at each others inventory then let's stand on the pose-stand and try.

In general: "Let's pick something to do... and DO it".

Love,
Kyla

A long time (too long) since I wrote something in my diary and I should really make up for that! Having said that... is there nothing to write about? Well sure, more than enough actually.

Miss and I are still going strong. Love is not fading at all and we're as frustrated as ever of not being able to see each other more and more. The shorter time we have together though, is filled up with enough fun so I will not be bored in a long time.

After some difficulties with Miss not always being able to plan her time right, it goes better now. We have an agreement now, that works well. Like this week... She has to work long hours so I simply login later too. Good to spend time with my daughter and Miss does not have to feel the need to hurry to get behind her PC after a hard day's work.

At times I'm being frustrated about waiting a long time for nothing. But even that has become better now by simply planning not too tight anymore and the agreement that if it takes longer, we will try to let the other know in a small email or quick login.

Longing for Miss is no less than before, even more perhaps. But... the times we are together are nice and sweet. Not too many deep discussions, no taking our frustrations out on each other. Like this, I can go on for a long time my Miss.

Love,
Kyla

Again Miss and I had a strong collision. The most severe one so far. This might be easily explained. At least I will try to do so later and I can only hope my conclusion is right.

Miss and I have agreements for me about how to behave in certain circumstances. Sometimes, when the impact is not too much, we will slightly stray away from that regime. Miss simply knows in general when I don't mind being gently forced a little bit beyond soft limits.

This time it was differently though. Nothing gentle, I was simply told to do as I was told even if it was fully against our agreements. I refused and in doing so made Miss furious at me. I felt anger rising quickly in myself and I simply kept refusing. Limits are limits and they are not to be touched without negotiation.

Miss' reaction was swift. She told me goodnight and left before I could even react. The day after that was spend in insecureness as Miss did not let anything be heard from her so it was obvious that she was still very angry with her girl.

Finally, in the evening Miss showed up and we had a long and tiresome talk. Miss basically did not want me anylonger as her sub because I had ignored a direct order. I on the other hand, was still mad that I was ordered to cross a limit. Had it been asked instead of ordered then I would have gladly done it.

Eventually we managed to come to a new agreement in this. As it is clear that I would have been prepared to step beyond my previous limit if it was brought gentlier, it turns out to be no true limit anymore. Therefore we have a new understanding now:

If I am ordered something then I can ask/tell Mistress in IM one time about my concerns. Miss will make a judgement based on that concern and decide if she wants to enforce the order anyway or not. This means basically that I do not have limits anymore for her as I agreed upfront to agree with anything if she insists.

Why is it that Miss became so mad at me about a relative simple thing? I have done way worse things in the past! My best guess is that Miss is no longer used to me being like that. I fought her all the time in the past. In the last 3 months I did not fight her even once. From my point of view I made a huge step since then. Now I fought her again and she exploded.

When I can make it 3 months without fighting her. And basically fought her this time only to make her feel that she can not break a limit, a limit that is not even a true limit because I agreed to drop that for her, then I should be able to finally slide down in total submission to her too.

It's scary, yes. From this moment on, I can only hope on Miss' mercy if I have a concern. If I fight her again then she has every reason to be angry at me. I trust Miss enough to let her decide how far she can take me though.

Love,
Kyla

In the place where Mistress and I love to play and be together, I am called various things alternating between: "nice", "bitchy", "that mad woman" etcetera. It all depends on who interacts with me and if they are able to see behind the roleplay-layer I have around me.

That layer is often not the nicest. I am not there to be the sweetest person out there and often I do things I would not even dream about doing elsewhere. But hey, it's roleplay and those who can't stand the heat should not stand too close to the fire.

Having said that, I come to a point where it is hard for me to roleplay that nasty person. At times, Mistress likes to run around as prey there simply for the fun of being chased. The roleplay part that comes with it is less desirable to her somehow as she is totally dominant. Good for her then that she is able to outrun most. Most of the time she is not able to outrun me though and basically, she only runs for me anyway.

So instead of releasing her right away, we decided to roleplay switching on each other there for a while. We have done so before in the past but this time I decided to push a bit further to see how far I could go. Well, I am able to be dominant also to her if needed.

Thing is... I totally don't enjoy it because it feels not natural with Miss. She is simply not submitting to what is said and done and I hurt myself with every next move I make. Not that I won't make them. I'm stubborn enough to follow up all the way till the end if needed but enjoying it is another thing.

So we decided to turn things around quickly again and I was at her feet once more: Unable to speak, unable to move, stripped from my top, people making fun of me that normally stay well away from me and...

Totally turned on by it.

Maybe "mad woman" is the title I deserve most?

Love,
Kyla

Yesssss! Our dungeon, long time not used in any way, got some sort of re-introduction.

But... Let's start at the beginning!

Miss teased me yesterday in an evil way by provoking me with her charms while her girl was all dressed up. Of course that girl was stubborn enough not to let herself be provoked but then a little chase followed, first me chasing Miss, then the other way around. I bet if there would have been people around, they would have been standing there with their jaws dropping as we chased over the whole island and we were totally differently dressed to say the least.

Of course Miss was too slow for her girl and decided that flying might help her big time to catch her. Well, that trick is known by her girl too so I flew up high in the air. Soon a familiar shape came up there and I couldn't resist entering our dungeon. After a short IM with Mistress she was tp-ed in and teasing ended.

Well, erhm ended... Five minutes later I was strapped naked in an uncomfortable position to the wall and left there for a while. When Miss returned, my arms were totally numb and blood not flowing freely anymore. Repositioning me to the wall rack only caused great discomfort as blood started flowing in my arms again and you don't know how to position yourself how to get away from the excruciating pain.

What followed is none of the business of you accidental bypassers of my diary. Let's suffice to say that it was scary, painful, exciting and helpless for me. Mistress made sure her girl had absolutely no control over herself at all. It was a total turn on! Afterwards we rested in each other's arms and felt very comfortable with each other about our scene. Gee, I can still feel my submission raging through me.

I talked about it with Miss in the past that we could just as well give up on the dungeon as we never used it anymore anyway. Since we are living in our tent it has not been used as I took the lift to the dungeon off and never placed it back. Somehow we didn't miss it as it is clear enough between Miss and I how we stand towards each other. On the other hand... After this scene I'm already looking forward to he next time and I will make sure the ride up to the dungeon will be placed very visible this time!

Miss and I are so often together doing all kinda things and are such a close friends that there is simply no time to truly miss something. The most important to us is that we enjoy spending time together in whatever way possible. After a scene like yesterday I wonder though if we should sometimes just take time to do something different than we do usually. I can only say that I totally loved this. Does it mean I want this on a daily base? Certainly not! Waiting for something like this is as much fun as actually doing it. But maybe we can do it just a bit more often than we have done in the past.

Love,
Kyla

It's been a while that I wrote in my diary and it's really time to do so again as there are enough things happening lately.

Miss and I are still going strong. I'm hardly ever corrected these days and don't try to push her to do so. In general it is simply bliss to be hers and I'm sure she feels the same about me. Lately we have been spending more and more time together and that's what I want to talk about.

My online time is easier to manage as Mistress's for not having a RL partner. Mistress tries what she can to spend as much time with me as possible. Something I truly love and up to this point took as much as I could. Lately I notice Mistress having problems though with her priorities when it comes to SL compared to RL.

Miss spends almost more time with me than with her own family. If not being able to make an appointment with me because of RL then that RL suffers under it. Addiction? Perhaps! More likely is it that the love she feels for me is simply so much she is blinded by it to a degree (as I am too BTW... this goes two ways).

BUT... If you have a family IRL then it should never suffer for SL. Sure, spend time with me but do not forget the other side. If there truly would have to be made a choice between RL and SL then RL should win.

I realise that by writing this down here, I basically tell Miss to push me aside a bit. On the other hand... If she won't do it then eventually I might lose her altogether when her RL partner forces her to make a choice. And to be honest, he has oldest rights and would stand in his full right if he did.

I love Mistress totally but as long as there is a RL relationship for her, I have no right to demand and maybe even not the right to take all the time she offers me (that will be hard for me not to do). I'm not telling Mistress what to do or not here. Just asking her to be careful so we will not lose each other.

Love,
Kyla

At times one can get upset about things that happen to you that you can not do anything about. It makes no sense to be upset about something you can't change anyway but as well Mistress as I are no strangers to the fact that it sometimes happens to us.

A few days ago, we were looking for new hair for me as by now half the place we play in had the same hair as I started wearing half a year ago. You would think they would be more original and go look for themselves instead of trying to copy someone. Ahhhh well, these things happen so I had to find something new.

A thing that changed lately in SL is that objects you wear, are these days often sold with a script inside to makes it "easier" to make them fit. This means that you can scale the entire object up or down in steps of 1%, 5%, or 10%. Also there is an option to scale, rotate and move single prims of the object that way. So you basically are taken through a menu now and forced to move things around in extremely small amounts what could have been done a hundred times faster in the editor than like that.

So far, nothing wrong with it as a lot of people have difficulties adjusting it with the standard tools. Most I know can do it very well though and way faster in the editor instead of scripted. Still nothing wrong as long as you have the choice of doing it by hand or by the menu.

Here is where things get messy. Designers have a new tool implemented in their items and whether you want to or not: THIS is the way you can adjust things and NO other way allowed anymore. Meaning that what someone, who is capable of editing manually, can do in 10 minutes, can now not even be done in 10 hours anymore.

As you can tell, by even writing this I get upset again by those idiotic designers. OK, I will count to 10 now and continue with the point of it all...

When trying out some hair with Miss, she made a remark that certain pieces of it, she did not like. Well, I know how the new tool works so: Let's adjust it then to see how it looks. Well, after like 200 mouseclicks I was perhaps 5% further in how I wanted things to look and since it is not worth getting RSI because you want to adjust a single prim, I cursed frustrated about the idiotic designers and announced I would never take that hair.

That's where Mistress came in and calmed me down:
Miss: Shhh Sunshine, calm down. We go just look somewhere else for hair.
Kyla: Yes but I really like this hair.
Miss: Then you should take the time to adjust it girl. This is the way it works. If you don't like it, complain with the ones who sell it.
Kyla: Sighs but simply takes the first option. To go somewhere else.

I know that this is the best way as when you really contact the seller either one of two things will probably happen:

• They will not reply at all by it. After all, this is new and in their limited view, it's the 8th wonder of the world. So customers should not complain.
• You will get a reply explaining how very good this is for a big group of people and you are the only one complaining (right, because most more experienced people simply don't buy there then anymore).
  

Sometimes something can happen that will make it necessary to forget for a while that I am Mistress's girl and and instead focus on simply being there for her in another way.

Yesterday such a moment arrived when Miss told me she lost a dear friend of her. I did not care at that moment for the proper decorum and me being her girl. That can wait till later! Instead I felt Miss needed two arms and for her girl to show that she is much more than only her girl. I felt I had to step forward and present me as Miss' wife but most of all as another dear friend.

Miss was really upset with what happened (who wouldn't). Yesterday and the coming days, just as long as is necessary and comfortable for Miss, I will simply be there for her to talk to, cuddle her and in general... be there for her as she is always there for me.

It feels not strange at all to step out of my role and be the "strong" one for the time being. Miss will, when she is ready, without any doubt let me know that I am to be at her feet again and ready to serve her once more as we both feel is right. Just not right now...

I will always be there for You Miss.

Love,
Kyla

Of course the day after my previous entry, in the evening we had our final talk about what happened. It's not as if we both did not see each other's views the day before. We really did.

Thing is... Miss was just angry and I was disappointed about what happened. I know now better than to pull a stunt like that again and Mistress will never have to be angry at her girl anymore for that reason.

The public whipping was taken off as a reward for the fact that I finally managed to do something that I did not manage to do before but what may be expected from a submissive: Swallow my pride and beg for forgiveness, even if I was not convinced at all that I had made a mistake.

A while back, I wrote that I felt something shifting inside me. Better understanding what being submissive is about. Since that time, we have had less (none?) true collisions anymore. And even if I made a mistake here and Mistress was angry at me for that reason, there was not a collision this time either as I immediately went to her and asked for forgiveness.

Last entry, I wrote that I was upset about it. Well, I was! It is scary and somewhat degrading to have to lower yourself even if you think you are right. When I look back at it now though, I'm all giddy about it. I managed to be that what I truly feel I want to be. Even if it was hard, it felt exactly right somehow. I am Mistress's girl and was put in my place as such. A big turn-on!

So we had our talk. Miss was sweet and caring; we both acknowledged that we could understand each other's views on it at that moment and most of all: We increased our positions towards each other.

I melted in her arms this time. Somehow, each time when something like this happens, it seems as if our relation deepens. We come out stronger and stronger and we totally belong together. As I said in a joke afterwards: "Miss as captain and her girl steering in all the wrong directions".

Looking totally forward to be at her feet again tonight...

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday it was me who made the proposition to go shopping with Miss. Now it's not a difficult thing to get her that far of course. Her shopping skills are almost legendary and she loves to show them off. Yet, yesterday I was able to surprise her.

After Miss had her cup of coffee, we went to see some shops. First one that Miss knew already (of course). I went there because I knew they had miniskirts and somehow Miss put it in her head that they would look good on me. Besides that, they had swimwear too and Miss wanted to buy some.

Miss found her swimsuit and we both bought a miniskirt. Of course Miss and I agreed for the skimpiest skirt possible for me. Secretly I believe she simply likes it when her girl is exposed. Less of a secret is that I like it myself *blushes*.

Then we found another shop with swimwear as I wanted to have some too. Regretfully this shop was better build than filled. The place was built at sea with a cavity underneath that could be used as a cuddle corner, but looked awfully dangerous to my eyes. The shop itself had nothing that interested me and soon we were heading for the next shop.

This one was more to both our liking. The better kind of clothing, yes but the more expensive one too. Decadent? Naaahhh, the girl at the entrance had way bigger diamonds than we (damn... have to see if we can change that). Anyway... I found an outfit for Miss but we were not sure about the colour. I thought off-white would look good while Miss always tends to go for black. We didn't buy it yet as we agreed to look on further first. But now I have to return there tonight to get them both so we can see who was right.

In the next room Miss found a sundress that she thought was "wow". Thing is... she wanted it for herself but I thought it to be more of the softer clothing fitted for a sub maybe more than for a Mistress. Eventually Miss agreed and told me to buy it for myself. Yes, it does look good on me and we were both happy with the outcome.

Time to go home, cuddle and say bye. Tonight I will see her again!

Love,
Kyla

Well thanks for that info but what is it exactly you did then?

Saturday, November the 29th, Miss and I declared ourselves wife and wife. Since we know each other for well over a year and I am hers for almost half a year now, it's not as if we were rushing into things on this.

A month of planning, a lot of work in the last few days (what else as we both love to run around in KoS way too much) and then finally the first guests arriving.

Nervous? You bet! Strange that you can be nervous about something like that. When you look forward at it and just use your brain then it is nothing more than a fun time with mostly mutual friends and the two of us making some promises to each other.

Then why nervous?
Because to me, and I know to Miss too, it was more than just a party with a small detour. We both take this commitment very seriously and did not go lightly in this as we both had relations in the past breaking up fairly quickly. Sure, we already were committed to each other but it does feel different anyway.

We had an Arabian theme in mind for this evening. More for practical reasons than anything else, because we have our land build up in an Egyptian setting. We even live in a Bedouin tent (with all luxury possible of course) and our dance floor is part of the environment.

The guests were promptly arriving at 21:00 local time and we waited till 21:30 before we assumed this was it and gently directed people to the dance floor. Miss asked asked our guests to give us a few moments to look each other in the eyes and make our vows.

It was a short but very intimate ceremony. I remember me melting when I heard Miss's words. I was afraid that after that, I would have difficulties finding my own and I would look like a complete fool, stuttering and stammering and looking silly in general. Eventually I did not have any difficulties with it and Miss even IM-ed me to speed up because she was now the one being nervous and couldn't wait for me to finish. Of course I did not listen to her this time as it were my vows after all (I know Miss did not mind it anyway despite her nervousness).

When Miss told me I should get an email soon, I knew exactly what she meant. Faster than she might have imagined I checked it and found there exactly what I knew would be there:

Dear Kylara Kuhn,
You have received a Second Life partner proposal from
minihai Ames. Please visit the link below to view the proposal.

19:30...
Kyla: Welcome back Miss, i love You
Miss: Thank you sunshine, I love you too
Miss: I think I will make myself some coffee first (just kidding)
Kyla giggles
Miss: I want to go and explore a nice sim I visited yesterday when you were not there.
Kyla gulps as she knows by now what Miss' ideas of nice sims can be.

As expected, we end up in a sim with all kinds of wicked bondage devices. Even if I pretended to be afraid. In reality it is a turn on when Miss takes me there. Soon Miss sees a device that draws her attention.

20:00...
Miss: take place dear, I will fetch myself a cup of coffee in the meantime.
Kyla trembles slightly as she eyes the device, wondering what it does and how Miss will perhaps tie her up.

After some fun play (yes, that can be harsh too), we decide to explore a little further. Playful as I am, I see another device that catches my attention. Without even asking I jump up on it and before I know it, blood is gushing from my belly as a large hook is driven through me. Strangely enough, I keep struggling instead of dying (don't you just love SL?).

20:45...
Miss: Kyla, get off of that thing, I don't want to see something like that. It's disgusting
Kyla: But, it's just a funny thing, even if a little morbid.
Miss: If you want to keep hanging there, go ahead. I'm gone.
Kyla: Wait for me Miss, I'm coming with You.
Miss: Don't ever do that again!

Even if it was meant as fun and Miss herself can be quite harsh on her girl herself sometimes, seeing me like that obviously triggers something inside her. I might make fun of it but reality is that I love her feelings behind it. I apologize again and promise her not to do it again..... today.

Time to prepare for the last part of the evening. Either we spend it at home or once in a while we go and dance in one of our favourite places. This evening we decide to dance and soon we're talking relaxed while we do so.

Somehow this moment of the day is as well the sweetest as the saddest. We know we will be separated again soon. But it is always in a perfectly relaxed way and a promise of tomorrow.

We never part in anger and even if we might not agree with each other sometimes, this is not the moment to discuss it further. Instead we respect and love each other way too much for that and forget what might be brought up again tomorrow. Sleeping over it, often smooths everything so that tomorrow we don't even remember what was so important to us today.

21:30...
Miss: Time to go sleep love, I'm tired. We will meet tomorrow?
Kyla: I will be there Miss, sleep well and see You then
Miss waves
Kyla blows You a sweet kiss

Then a slightly empty feeling remains after we both left. A feeling of not being complete without her.

This concludes just an average day. It was fun writing it.

Love,
Kyla

1. I can tie her up;
   In theory that would be possible but I'm not quite ready to have my butt striped because I tried.


2. Let Miss prepare her cup of coffee and use the time to make myself useful as well.
   This option works best for me somehow ;)

In the past I have been posting often after something bad happened or at least something important. Now It might look like that we fight all the time. This is far from the truth and therefore now an entry on a way lighter note.

The following is not necessarily an actual morning but could have been. It describes how we might spend our time at any given day that we are free together.

9:25...
Kyla: Good morning Miss
Miss: Good morning sunshine
Kyla: You are awake early today, I have been up only 4 hours myself.
Miss: I will be back in a few minutes, I need coffee first.

Kisses and cuddles will follow, we ask how we spent the night (with every dirty detail of course ;) and then decide what we will do the rest of the day. First we decide to go shopping for clothes...

10:30...
Kyla: No, i think those other silks are still better.
Miss sighs but then suddenly beams: "Hey there's a skin shop here too!"
Kyla growls and looks angrily at Miss
Miss giggles and pulls her girl in for a loving kiss.
Kyla purrs softly as she sensually lingers her lips on Miss's
Miss: brb, I need some coffee.

Miss is shortly afk again and I take the time to make a small nature break myself. Miss likes my honest opinion about clothing and about anything we go shopping for really (she is a real skin addict). Of course she is at times disappointed when I have a different view on things but that is even part of the fun for both.

Sometimes we go and don't buy anything at all but still have fun in trying to find the best things and tell each other why or why not for a specific item. Suppose we come home with some demo skins from somewhere. Then the next might happen:

12:30...
Miss: Do you like this one?
Kyla: Waiting for it to be loaded
Miss: Sure sunshine, your connection is always so bad
Kyla sticks her tongue out at You
Miss just looks at you
Kyla lowers her eyes and whispers softly "I'm sorry Miss"
Miss: be careful now my girl
Kyla: Yes Miss

then

Kyla: Oh Yes! I like this skin but still think Your old skin is better
Miss: Yes, you always want me to walk in old skins.
Kyla bites her tongue as to prevent herself from giving an answer that would really get her into problems
Miss: Love, it's time for lunch. I will be back in a while
Kyla: Then i will go and play some in KoS if that's OK?

It might look disrespectful by sticking out my tongue like that. It's more of a game we both play though. Miss allows me to do things like that but sometimes thinks it to be enough. And even then she is not really mad but will simply tell me to stop. Of course it might be a good reason for some more wicked fun later too of course. But this time it ended all kind and sweet.

We separate after some sweet kisses and promise to see each other in maybe an hour from now.

This is something that might happen on any given morning. Will be continued with: "And now a less lazy afternoon"

Love,
Kyla

It happened again... Uppity me making the same mistake and colliding with Mistress on it. She obviously had enough of it this time and decided for a punishment that would truly touch me.

And touching me it did. Even if the actual punishment never took place. Mistress basically wanted me to find someone else to serve for 24 hours and to whom I should be totally compliant.

I was stunned! Then again, what should I have expected then? Mistress might be caring and loving, she's not a fool. No, that "honour" was totally mine.

After feeling lonely, scared and totally intimidated by just the thought for more than an hour, I only saw one way out and that was to make myself as small as possible and humbly beg for Mistress to show her girl mercy.

It was given even if not deserved and didn't feel like an accomplishment really. No glorious feelings that I managed to get away from my punishment. Instead I felt myself more humbled by and submissive towards Mistress than ever before. I challenged her, she called my bluff and challenged me in return. I surely did not know how to counter that anymore.

It kept haunting me till the next moment I saw her and I felt something inside me shifting, more understanding to what being submissive is. It scares the hell out of me and yet, I know this is what I was searching for. This is what I feel I need to explore deeper.

It's almost 2 days ago this happened and here I am. Still feeling the same and still in a mindset that I have not experienced before. Feeling as if my pleasure is not as important anymore. Or more accurately... feeling that I can have my pleasure just from a praise of Mistress, a soft touch. by being pleasing in return.

Of course I know I will make mistakes again. Somehow I think this time I learned more than previous times though. I feel that this time the realisation of my position and what I'm actually craving for kicked in way deeper than ever before.

Love,
Kyla

1. We go on like this and I keep seriously trying;
   This first option sounds the easiest. But it might just be waiting for the next clash between us then?
2. We go on as equals;
   This requires you to take a step back and me to do another step forwards. It is a valid option but brings a whole array of problems with it too.
3. You have enough of me and don't want to have me at all any longer;
   I totally do not believe this and is from my side not a serious option.
4. We go on but you accept that I will not be able to truly submit all the time.
   The fourth sounds the most convenient but it requires you to take a step back with nothing from me in return. Basically you will have to admit and allow me then to top from the bottom. If I were in your shoes right now then I might not be able to do that.
   

Just a few days after a talk with Mistress about my previous post, I got what I was asking for... and then some!

Mistress took me to a place I was once before but had discarded it at that time because I did not have use for it. It's a place packed with big dungeons with about every perverted device imaginable.

Here's a short version of what followed (the long one is way too perverted and none of your reader's business anyway: I was tied up to two devices that both emerged me in water with my head. A very scary experience when you can not come up for air when you think you need it. And you can trust your Mistress all you want but once you are under water and you feel your lungs burning, panic is all too close by. During when I was tied to the second device, I signaled that I was close to a limit and Mistress stopped after a last teasing short emerging.

The sweet time afterwards, the slow relaxation and the love radiating from Mistress was pure heaven though. I so needed something like this and it turned out to be just as I thought. No need to be scared of hurting me. I will practically come back beggingfor more after a short period of relaxation.

All in all, this is what I need at times. Makes on feel alive!

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday Mistress and I had a talk about play-preferences. Mistress loves to play with people's minds. On a very rare occasions she does with me too. Not nearly as often as I would like though. Instead she often searches for something to do together with me towards someone else than that she does it to me.

This may well be my own mistake as after a few pretty intense scenes in the past, I needed a lot of aftercare. However, I did not take into account that Mistress might need the same somehow. The scenes were intense for her too. She thoroughly enjoyed making me cry and scream. After the power rush was over and she had to take care of me, bringing me down to earth again, she saw what it did to me. Somehow I think this must have made Mistress scared of doing it again. Scared of being the one to hurt her loved one.

Thing is... Even if I might cry, scream and yell at her right then because I feel lost and detached somehow; Even if I might be hurt for some reason; I crave it anyway. I need to feel it. Afterwards I feel replenished. Never has there been permanent damage of whatever kind. Never has my trust in my beloved Mistress become less because of an intense scene. Sure, I might be pushed to my limits and sure, I might accidentally be pushed over. Nothing is ever happened though that made my feelings less for Mistress.

To make a long story short: Mistress, please don't feel you have a fragile girl that can not handle things. I can handle more than You might realise. Yes, you can hurt me but I am not afraid of that. Please don't be afraid of yourself either? Only someone who loves me and whom I trust fully, can hurt me and have my unconditional love in return.

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday Mistress and I clashed over what might seem like a trivial thing to others but was important to me at the time.

I always let Mistress know how I think about silly girls walking with bells around so everybody can hear them coming from miles away. That opinion is pretty explicit: