Somehow it doesn't matter to me anymore if I am on a tighter leash or not. If Mistress wants me to do something then I simply do it. Sure, I might still give some arguments why she should not wish something from me but to my own feelings, I somehow quickly and easily comply if she wishes to push through anyway.
Before this I was afraid that if I would ever be like this, it would be equal to becoming indifferent to what would happen to me. Indifferent is not the right word for this though. In this case "untroubled" and "trusting" are better words. Sure, I can worry about certain things I have to do or that are forbidden to me.
Thing is: Mistress will never deliberately do anything to harm me so why should I be troubled about it? But that also means she could do it accidentally. Yes, that is possible of course and that is where the trust peeks around the corner. I trust her 100%. Even if one day something happens that accidentally harms me then I might fly up the walls but I also know we will always be able to talk it over like we have before.
Laying my fate in Mistress' hands is making me more vulnerable to her but does not make me indifferent at all. Instead I find myself needing more approval and looking for ways to try and please her as well as I can. It's a shift to being more selfish to being more concentrating on her.
Now does Mistress indeed restrict me more? Yes, after that day 2 months ago where it came all at once, she reeled me in more. I see it, let it happen and revel in it. This because it goes so very gently that I hardly notice. Just one day you ask yourself: "When was it that I was required to do things like this? I remember that I used to do things differently but somehow, now I don't anymore. What happened and why am I not angry about this"?
This was a very hard entry for me as it needed a lot of self reflection and trying to look at what actually changed. Not a whole lot changed, just small things, things that enable me to change more in the same relaxed way. I don't even know if Mistress does these things on purpose or not. All I know is that I like the result of what happens to me.
Love,
Kyla
A while back Miss made a new avatar. A few weeks later she presented her to me as: "This is something I want to have for me alone". As a result I have now three Mistresses because she is incorporated in our house and not for her alone anyway. What I remember of that time is that I wished I had seen her earlier than that (conclusion about this at the end?).
I decided to do the same and made a good looking avatar with which I ran around for a while when Miss was not there and taunted lots of predators as I was totally not catchable during all that time and all I did with it was run away from people. As soon as Miss came online, I simply logged then new avatar off and came on with my regular avatar(s).
One day though, just when I parked my regular avi somewhere and logged the new one in, I saw Miss just coming online and so logged off immediately again to be with her. She somehow landed right next to me though and saw the new avi coming on and off in a few seconds. Shortly after that, I knew she knew. Not a problem on itself because I planned on telling her anyway but I obviously waited too long with it.
So I decided to wait another week before I would tell her. Now Mistress is a real huntress with the patience of a cat so I should have known better... Only a few days later, suddenly she was close behind me and hunted me. First thing that went through my mind was: "Sh*t, Kyla... you idiot! Why didn't you tell Mistress before"? Then I ran for my life and of course escaped but knew all too well that my Love would recognise me anyway. So even if not caught in the flesh, still put under enough pressure to be caught a whole different way.
I knew I had to either drop the avi or to simply tell her. Since I do not wish to lie to her, telling her was the only option. So a day later, I did.
Why did I make another avatar? Well, after a while people know that you are too fast for them and they simply lose interest... So once in a while it's nice to make a new one and enjoy outrunning them again. Was there perhaps a slight feeling of "revenge" in it for Miss not telling me before about her other avatar? I'm not sure as I did not deliberately made the new one because of that. It's very well possible that there was something like that behind it too though. A mistake that I will not make again. I love her too much to put at risk.
Oh and.. right now we live in a small tent with three Mistress and three subs. Really time for us to expand to a full Sim? ;)
Love,
Kyla
