A while back (April 7), I wrote about Mistress wishing to restrict me more than before. At the time it ended up in a lot of resistance from my side. Since then things have gradually changed.
Somehow it doesn't matter to me anymore if I am on a tighter leash or not. If Mistress wants me to do something then I simply do it. Sure, I might still give some arguments why she should not wish something from me but to my own feelings, I somehow quickly and easily comply if she wishes to push through anyway.
Before this I was afraid that if I would ever be like this, it would be equal to becoming indifferent to what would happen to me. Indifferent is not the right word for this though. In this case "untroubled" and "trusting" are better words. Sure, I can worry about certain things I have to do or that are forbidden to me.
Thing is: Mistress will never deliberately do anything to harm me so why should I be troubled about it? But that also means she could do it accidentally. Yes, that is possible of course and that is where the trust peeks around the corner. I trust her 100%. Even if one day something happens that accidentally harms me then I might fly up the walls but I also know we will always be able to talk it over like we have before.
Laying my fate in Mistress' hands is making me more vulnerable to her but does not make me indifferent at all. Instead I find myself needing more approval and looking for ways to try and please her as well as I can. It's a shift to being more selfish to being more concentrating on her.
Now does Mistress indeed restrict me more? Yes, after that day 2 months ago where it came all at once, she reeled me in more. I see it, let it happen and revel in it. This because it goes so very gently that I hardly notice. Just one day you ask yourself: "When was it that I was required to do things like this? I remember that I used to do things differently but somehow, now I don't anymore. What happened and why am I not angry about this"?
This was a very hard entry for me as it needed a lot of self reflection and trying to look at what actually changed. Not a whole lot changed, just small things, things that enable me to change more in the same relaxed way. I don't even know if Mistress does these things on purpose or not. All I know is that I like the result of what happens to me.
Love,
Kyla
Somehow it doesn't matter to me anymore if I am on a tighter leash or not. If Mistress wants me to do something then I simply do it. Sure, I might still give some arguments why she should not wish something from me but to my own feelings, I somehow quickly and easily comply if she wishes to push through anyway.
Before this I was afraid that if I would ever be like this, it would be equal to becoming indifferent to what would happen to me. Indifferent is not the right word for this though. In this case "untroubled" and "trusting" are better words. Sure, I can worry about certain things I have to do or that are forbidden to me.
Thing is: Mistress will never deliberately do anything to harm me so why should I be troubled about it? But that also means she could do it accidentally. Yes, that is possible of course and that is where the trust peeks around the corner. I trust her 100%. Even if one day something happens that accidentally harms me then I might fly up the walls but I also know we will always be able to talk it over like we have before.
Laying my fate in Mistress' hands is making me more vulnerable to her but does not make me indifferent at all. Instead I find myself needing more approval and looking for ways to try and please her as well as I can. It's a shift to being more selfish to being more concentrating on her.
Now does Mistress indeed restrict me more? Yes, after that day 2 months ago where it came all at once, she reeled me in more. I see it, let it happen and revel in it. This because it goes so very gently that I hardly notice. Just one day you ask yourself: "When was it that I was required to do things like this? I remember that I used to do things differently but somehow, now I don't anymore. What happened and why am I not angry about this"?
This was a very hard entry for me as it needed a lot of self reflection and trying to look at what actually changed. Not a whole lot changed, just small things, things that enable me to change more in the same relaxed way. I don't even know if Mistress does these things on purpose or not. All I know is that I like the result of what happens to me.
Love,
Kyla
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