My Love,
First... I love you, don't want to lose you and will always be fighting to keep you.
Having said that, I realise that you are disappointed about what happened the last few days. I can imagine it all too well as it means that you are simply not capable of making me submit.
I thought about it and come to the conclusion that even if I like it that you make the decisions in general... As soon as I do not agree with something, I just as easily step out of my submissive role and decide for myself what is best for me. This is not your mistake. Maybe not even mine as it is obviously stronger than I am. In any case... it is caused by me.
I do not know exactly how we should go on from here but see a few possibilities:
- We go on like this and I keep seriously trying;
This first option sounds the easiest. But it might just be waiting for the next clash between us then? - We go on as equals;
This requires you to take a step back and me to do another step forwards. It is a valid option but brings a whole array of problems with it too. - You have enough of me and don't want to have me at all any longer;
I totally do not believe this and is from my side not a serious option. - We go on but you accept that I will not be able to truly submit all the time.
The fourth sounds the most convenient but it requires you to take a step back with nothing from me in return. Basically you will have to admit and allow me then to top from the bottom. If I were in your shoes right now then I might not be able to do that.
You still, and will always have my deep love.
Sweet kisses,
Kylara
Ohhh, I almost forgot... There has to be a conclusion to all of this of course.
Well, we decided for option 1. Not the easiest way for both of us but... When you have such a deep feelings for each other then what could possibly go wrong by having a fight once in a while?
Love,
Kyla
Just a few days after a talk with Mistress about my previous post, I got what I was asking for... and then some!
Mistress took me to a place I was once before but had discarded it at that time because I did not have use for it. It's a place packed with big dungeons with about every perverted device imaginable.
Here's a short version of what followed (the long one is way too perverted and none of your reader's business anyway: I was tied up to two devices that both emerged me in water with my head. A very scary experience when you can not come up for air when you think you need it. And you can trust your Mistress all you want but once you are under water and you feel your lungs burning, panic is all too close by. During when I was tied to the second device, I signaled that I was close to a limit and Mistress stopped after a last teasing short emerging.
The sweet time afterwards, the slow relaxation and the love radiating from Mistress was pure heaven though. I so needed something like this and it turned out to be just as I thought. No need to be scared of hurting me. I will practically come back beggingfor more after a short period of relaxation.
All in all, this is what I need at times. Makes on feel alive!
Love,
Kyla
Yesterday Mistress and I had a talk about play-preferences. Mistress loves to play with people's minds. On a very rare occasions she does with me too. Not nearly as often as I would like though. Instead she often searches for something to do together with me towards someone else than that she does it to me.
This may well be my own mistake as after a few pretty intense scenes in the past, I needed a lot of aftercare. However, I did not take into account that Mistress might need the same somehow. The scenes were intense for her too. She thoroughly enjoyed making me cry and scream. After the power rush was over and she had to take care of me, bringing me down to earth again, she saw what it did to me. Somehow I think this must have made Mistress scared of doing it again. Scared of being the one to hurt her loved one.
Thing is... Even if I might cry, scream and yell at her right then because I feel lost and detached somehow; Even if I might be hurt for some reason; I crave it anyway. I need to feel it. Afterwards I feel replenished. Never has there been permanent damage of whatever kind. Never has my trust in my beloved Mistress become less because of an intense scene. Sure, I might be pushed to my limits and sure, I might accidentally be pushed over. Nothing is ever happened though that made my feelings less for Mistress.
To make a long story short: Mistress, please don't feel you have a fragile girl that can not handle things. I can handle more than You might realise. Yes, you can hurt me but I am not afraid of that. Please don't be afraid of yourself either? Only someone who loves me and whom I trust fully, can hurt me and have my unconditional love in return.
Love,
Kyla
