Kyla's Diary

At times one can get upset about things that happen to you that you can not do anything about. It makes no sense to be upset about something you can't change anyway but as well Mistress as I are no strangers to the fact that it sometimes happens to us.

A few days ago, we were looking for new hair for me as by now half the place we play in had the same hair as I started wearing half a year ago. You would think they would be more original and go look for themselves instead of trying to copy someone. Ahhhh well, these things happen so I had to find something new.

A thing that changed lately in SL is that objects you wear, are these days often sold with a script inside to makes it "easier" to make them fit. This means that you can scale the entire object up or down in steps of 1%, 5%, or 10%. Also there is an option to scale, rotate and move single prims of the object that way. So you basically are taken through a menu now and forced to move things around in extremely small amounts what could have been done a hundred times faster in the editor than like that.

So far, nothing wrong with it as a lot of people have difficulties adjusting it with the standard tools. Most I know can do it very well though and way faster in the editor instead of scripted. Still nothing wrong as long as you have the choice of doing it by hand or by the menu.

Here is where things get messy. Designers have a new tool implemented in their items and whether you want to or not: THIS is the way you can adjust things and NO other way allowed anymore. Meaning that what someone, who is capable of editing manually, can do in 10 minutes, can now not even be done in 10 hours anymore.

As you can tell, by even writing this I get upset again by those idiotic designers. OK, I will count to 10 now and continue with the point of it all...

When trying out some hair with Miss, she made a remark that certain pieces of it, she did not like. Well, I know how the new tool works so: Let's adjust it then to see how it looks. Well, after like 200 mouseclicks I was perhaps 5% further in how I wanted things to look and since it is not worth getting RSI because you want to adjust a single prim, I cursed frustrated about the idiotic designers and announced I would never take that hair.

That's where Mistress came in and calmed me down:
Miss: Shhh Sunshine, calm down. We go just look somewhere else for hair.
Kyla: Yes but I really like this hair.
Miss: Then you should take the time to adjust it girl. This is the way it works. If you don't like it, complain with the ones who sell it.
Kyla: Sighs but simply takes the first option. To go somewhere else.

I know that this is the best way as when you really contact the seller either one of two things will probably happen:

• They will not reply at all by it. After all, this is new and in their limited view, it's the 8th wonder of the world. So customers should not complain.
• You will get a reply explaining how very good this is for a big group of people and you are the only one complaining (right, because most more experienced people simply don't buy there then anymore).
  

Sometimes something can happen that will make it necessary to forget for a while that I am Mistress's girl and and instead focus on simply being there for her in another way.

Yesterday such a moment arrived when Miss told me she lost a dear friend of her. I did not care at that moment for the proper decorum and me being her girl. That can wait till later! Instead I felt Miss needed two arms and for her girl to show that she is much more than only her girl. I felt I had to step forward and present me as Miss' wife but most of all as another dear friend.

Miss was really upset with what happened (who wouldn't). Yesterday and the coming days, just as long as is necessary and comfortable for Miss, I will simply be there for her to talk to, cuddle her and in general... be there for her as she is always there for me.

It feels not strange at all to step out of my role and be the "strong" one for the time being. Miss will, when she is ready, without any doubt let me know that I am to be at her feet again and ready to serve her once more as we both feel is right. Just not right now...

I will always be there for You Miss.

Love,
Kyla

Of course the day after my previous entry, in the evening we had our final talk about what happened. It's not as if we both did not see each other's views the day before. We really did.

Thing is... Miss was just angry and I was disappointed about what happened. I know now better than to pull a stunt like that again and Mistress will never have to be angry at her girl anymore for that reason.

The public whipping was taken off as a reward for the fact that I finally managed to do something that I did not manage to do before but what may be expected from a submissive: Swallow my pride and beg for forgiveness, even if I was not convinced at all that I had made a mistake.

A while back, I wrote that I felt something shifting inside me. Better understanding what being submissive is about. Since that time, we have had less (none?) true collisions anymore. And even if I made a mistake here and Mistress was angry at me for that reason, there was not a collision this time either as I immediately went to her and asked for forgiveness.

Last entry, I wrote that I was upset about it. Well, I was! It is scary and somewhat degrading to have to lower yourself even if you think you are right. When I look back at it now though, I'm all giddy about it. I managed to be that what I truly feel I want to be. Even if it was hard, it felt exactly right somehow. I am Mistress's girl and was put in my place as such. A big turn-on!

So we had our talk. Miss was sweet and caring; we both acknowledged that we could understand each other's views on it at that moment and most of all: We increased our positions towards each other.

I melted in her arms this time. Somehow, each time when something like this happens, it seems as if our relation deepens. We come out stronger and stronger and we totally belong together. As I said in a joke afterwards: "Miss as captain and her girl steering in all the wrong directions".

Looking totally forward to be at her feet again tonight...

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday it was me who made the proposition to go shopping with Miss. Now it's not a difficult thing to get her that far of course. Her shopping skills are almost legendary and she loves to show them off. Yet, yesterday I was able to surprise her.

After Miss had her cup of coffee, we went to see some shops. First one that Miss knew already (of course). I went there because I knew they had miniskirts and somehow Miss put it in her head that they would look good on me. Besides that, they had swimwear too and Miss wanted to buy some.

Miss found her swimsuit and we both bought a miniskirt. Of course Miss and I agreed for the skimpiest skirt possible for me. Secretly I believe she simply likes it when her girl is exposed. Less of a secret is that I like it myself *blushes*.

Then we found another shop with swimwear as I wanted to have some too. Regretfully this shop was better build than filled. The place was built at sea with a cavity underneath that could be used as a cuddle corner, but looked awfully dangerous to my eyes. The shop itself had nothing that interested me and soon we were heading for the next shop.

This one was more to both our liking. The better kind of clothing, yes but the more expensive one too. Decadent? Naaahhh, the girl at the entrance had way bigger diamonds than we (damn... have to see if we can change that). Anyway... I found an outfit for Miss but we were not sure about the colour. I thought off-white would look good while Miss always tends to go for black. We didn't buy it yet as we agreed to look on further first. But now I have to return there tonight to get them both so we can see who was right.

In the next room Miss found a sundress that she thought was "wow". Thing is... she wanted it for herself but I thought it to be more of the softer clothing fitted for a sub maybe more than for a Mistress. Eventually Miss agreed and told me to buy it for myself. Yes, it does look good on me and we were both happy with the outcome.

Time to go home, cuddle and say bye. Tonight I will see her again!

Love,
Kyla

Well thanks for that info but what is it exactly you did then?

Saturday, November the 29th, Miss and I declared ourselves wife and wife. Since we know each other for well over a year and I am hers for almost half a year now, it's not as if we were rushing into things on this.

A month of planning, a lot of work in the last few days (what else as we both love to run around in KoS way too much) and then finally the first guests arriving.

Nervous? You bet! Strange that you can be nervous about something like that. When you look forward at it and just use your brain then it is nothing more than a fun time with mostly mutual friends and the two of us making some promises to each other.

Then why nervous?
Because to me, and I know to Miss too, it was more than just a party with a small detour. We both take this commitment very seriously and did not go lightly in this as we both had relations in the past breaking up fairly quickly. Sure, we already were committed to each other but it does feel different anyway.

We had an Arabian theme in mind for this evening. More for practical reasons than anything else, because we have our land build up in an Egyptian setting. We even live in a Bedouin tent (with all luxury possible of course) and our dance floor is part of the environment.

The guests were promptly arriving at 21:00 local time and we waited till 21:30 before we assumed this was it and gently directed people to the dance floor. Miss asked asked our guests to give us a few moments to look each other in the eyes and make our vows.

It was a short but very intimate ceremony. I remember me melting when I heard Miss's words. I was afraid that after that, I would have difficulties finding my own and I would look like a complete fool, stuttering and stammering and looking silly in general. Eventually I did not have any difficulties with it and Miss even IM-ed me to speed up because she was now the one being nervous and couldn't wait for me to finish. Of course I did not listen to her this time as it were my vows after all (I know Miss did not mind it anyway despite her nervousness).

When Miss told me I should get an email soon, I knew exactly what she meant. Faster than she might have imagined I checked it and found there exactly what I knew would be there:

Dear Kylara Kuhn,
You have received a Second Life partner proposal from
minihai Ames. Please visit the link below to view the proposal.

19:30...
Kyla: Welcome back Miss, i love You
Miss: Thank you sunshine, I love you too
Miss: I think I will make myself some coffee first (just kidding)
Kyla giggles
Miss: I want to go and explore a nice sim I visited yesterday when you were not there.
Kyla gulps as she knows by now what Miss' ideas of nice sims can be.

As expected, we end up in a sim with all kinds of wicked bondage devices. Even if I pretended to be afraid. In reality it is a turn on when Miss takes me there. Soon Miss sees a device that draws her attention.

20:00...
Miss: take place dear, I will fetch myself a cup of coffee in the meantime.
Kyla trembles slightly as she eyes the device, wondering what it does and how Miss will perhaps tie her up.

After some fun play (yes, that can be harsh too), we decide to explore a little further. Playful as I am, I see another device that catches my attention. Without even asking I jump up on it and before I know it, blood is gushing from my belly as a large hook is driven through me. Strangely enough, I keep struggling instead of dying (don't you just love SL?).

20:45...
Miss: Kyla, get off of that thing, I don't want to see something like that. It's disgusting
Kyla: But, it's just a funny thing, even if a little morbid.
Miss: If you want to keep hanging there, go ahead. I'm gone.
Kyla: Wait for me Miss, I'm coming with You.
Miss: Don't ever do that again!

Even if it was meant as fun and Miss herself can be quite harsh on her girl herself sometimes, seeing me like that obviously triggers something inside her. I might make fun of it but reality is that I love her feelings behind it. I apologize again and promise her not to do it again..... today.

Time to prepare for the last part of the evening. Either we spend it at home or once in a while we go and dance in one of our favourite places. This evening we decide to dance and soon we're talking relaxed while we do so.

Somehow this moment of the day is as well the sweetest as the saddest. We know we will be separated again soon. But it is always in a perfectly relaxed way and a promise of tomorrow.

We never part in anger and even if we might not agree with each other sometimes, this is not the moment to discuss it further. Instead we respect and love each other way too much for that and forget what might be brought up again tomorrow. Sleeping over it, often smooths everything so that tomorrow we don't even remember what was so important to us today.

21:30...
Miss: Time to go sleep love, I'm tired. We will meet tomorrow?
Kyla: I will be there Miss, sleep well and see You then
Miss waves
Kyla blows You a sweet kiss

Then a slightly empty feeling remains after we both left. A feeling of not being complete without her.

This concludes just an average day. It was fun writing it.

Love,
Kyla

1. I can tie her up;
   In theory that would be possible but I'm not quite ready to have my butt striped because I tried.


2. Let Miss prepare her cup of coffee and use the time to make myself useful as well.
   This option works best for me somehow ;)

In the past I have been posting often after something bad happened or at least something important. Now It might look like that we fight all the time. This is far from the truth and therefore now an entry on a way lighter note.

The following is not necessarily an actual morning but could have been. It describes how we might spend our time at any given day that we are free together.

9:25...
Kyla: Good morning Miss
Miss: Good morning sunshine
Kyla: You are awake early today, I have been up only 4 hours myself.
Miss: I will be back in a few minutes, I need coffee first.

Kisses and cuddles will follow, we ask how we spent the night (with every dirty detail of course ;) and then decide what we will do the rest of the day. First we decide to go shopping for clothes...

10:30...
Kyla: No, i think those other silks are still better.
Miss sighs but then suddenly beams: "Hey there's a skin shop here too!"
Kyla growls and looks angrily at Miss
Miss giggles and pulls her girl in for a loving kiss.
Kyla purrs softly as she sensually lingers her lips on Miss's
Miss: brb, I need some coffee.

Miss is shortly afk again and I take the time to make a small nature break myself. Miss likes my honest opinion about clothing and about anything we go shopping for really (she is a real skin addict). Of course she is at times disappointed when I have a different view on things but that is even part of the fun for both.

Sometimes we go and don't buy anything at all but still have fun in trying to find the best things and tell each other why or why not for a specific item. Suppose we come home with some demo skins from somewhere. Then the next might happen:

12:30...
Miss: Do you like this one?
Kyla: Waiting for it to be loaded
Miss: Sure sunshine, your connection is always so bad
Kyla sticks her tongue out at You
Miss just looks at you
Kyla lowers her eyes and whispers softly "I'm sorry Miss"
Miss: be careful now my girl
Kyla: Yes Miss

then

Kyla: Oh Yes! I like this skin but still think Your old skin is better
Miss: Yes, you always want me to walk in old skins.
Kyla bites her tongue as to prevent herself from giving an answer that would really get her into problems
Miss: Love, it's time for lunch. I will be back in a while
Kyla: Then i will go and play some in KoS if that's OK?

It might look disrespectful by sticking out my tongue like that. It's more of a game we both play though. Miss allows me to do things like that but sometimes thinks it to be enough. And even then she is not really mad but will simply tell me to stop. Of course it might be a good reason for some more wicked fun later too of course. But this time it ended all kind and sweet.

We separate after some sweet kisses and promise to see each other in maybe an hour from now.

This is something that might happen on any given morning. Will be continued with: "And now a less lazy afternoon"

Love,
Kyla

It happened again... Uppity me making the same mistake and colliding with Mistress on it. She obviously had enough of it this time and decided for a punishment that would truly touch me.

And touching me it did. Even if the actual punishment never took place. Mistress basically wanted me to find someone else to serve for 24 hours and to whom I should be totally compliant.

I was stunned! Then again, what should I have expected then? Mistress might be caring and loving, she's not a fool. No, that "honour" was totally mine.

After feeling lonely, scared and totally intimidated by just the thought for more than an hour, I only saw one way out and that was to make myself as small as possible and humbly beg for Mistress to show her girl mercy.

It was given even if not deserved and didn't feel like an accomplishment really. No glorious feelings that I managed to get away from my punishment. Instead I felt myself more humbled by and submissive towards Mistress than ever before. I challenged her, she called my bluff and challenged me in return. I surely did not know how to counter that anymore.

It kept haunting me till the next moment I saw her and I felt something inside me shifting, more understanding to what being submissive is. It scares the hell out of me and yet, I know this is what I was searching for. This is what I feel I need to explore deeper.

It's almost 2 days ago this happened and here I am. Still feeling the same and still in a mindset that I have not experienced before. Feeling as if my pleasure is not as important anymore. Or more accurately... feeling that I can have my pleasure just from a praise of Mistress, a soft touch. by being pleasing in return.

Of course I know I will make mistakes again. Somehow I think this time I learned more than previous times though. I feel that this time the realisation of my position and what I'm actually craving for kicked in way deeper than ever before.

Love,
Kyla

1. We go on like this and I keep seriously trying;
   This first option sounds the easiest. But it might just be waiting for the next clash between us then?
2. We go on as equals;
   This requires you to take a step back and me to do another step forwards. It is a valid option but brings a whole array of problems with it too.
3. You have enough of me and don't want to have me at all any longer;
   I totally do not believe this and is from my side not a serious option.
4. We go on but you accept that I will not be able to truly submit all the time.
   The fourth sounds the most convenient but it requires you to take a step back with nothing from me in return. Basically you will have to admit and allow me then to top from the bottom. If I were in your shoes right now then I might not be able to do that.
   

Just a few days after a talk with Mistress about my previous post, I got what I was asking for... and then some!

Mistress took me to a place I was once before but had discarded it at that time because I did not have use for it. It's a place packed with big dungeons with about every perverted device imaginable.

Here's a short version of what followed (the long one is way too perverted and none of your reader's business anyway: I was tied up to two devices that both emerged me in water with my head. A very scary experience when you can not come up for air when you think you need it. And you can trust your Mistress all you want but once you are under water and you feel your lungs burning, panic is all too close by. During when I was tied to the second device, I signaled that I was close to a limit and Mistress stopped after a last teasing short emerging.

The sweet time afterwards, the slow relaxation and the love radiating from Mistress was pure heaven though. I so needed something like this and it turned out to be just as I thought. No need to be scared of hurting me. I will practically come back beggingfor more after a short period of relaxation.

All in all, this is what I need at times. Makes on feel alive!

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday Mistress and I had a talk about play-preferences. Mistress loves to play with people's minds. On a very rare occasions she does with me too. Not nearly as often as I would like though. Instead she often searches for something to do together with me towards someone else than that she does it to me.

This may well be my own mistake as after a few pretty intense scenes in the past, I needed a lot of aftercare. However, I did not take into account that Mistress might need the same somehow. The scenes were intense for her too. She thoroughly enjoyed making me cry and scream. After the power rush was over and she had to take care of me, bringing me down to earth again, she saw what it did to me. Somehow I think this must have made Mistress scared of doing it again. Scared of being the one to hurt her loved one.

Thing is... Even if I might cry, scream and yell at her right then because I feel lost and detached somehow; Even if I might be hurt for some reason; I crave it anyway. I need to feel it. Afterwards I feel replenished. Never has there been permanent damage of whatever kind. Never has my trust in my beloved Mistress become less because of an intense scene. Sure, I might be pushed to my limits and sure, I might accidentally be pushed over. Nothing is ever happened though that made my feelings less for Mistress.

To make a long story short: Mistress, please don't feel you have a fragile girl that can not handle things. I can handle more than You might realise. Yes, you can hurt me but I am not afraid of that. Please don't be afraid of yourself either? Only someone who loves me and whom I trust fully, can hurt me and have my unconditional love in return.

Love,
Kyla

Yesterday Mistress and I clashed over what might seem like a trivial thing to others but was important to me at the time.

I always let Mistress know how I think about silly girls walking with bells around so everybody can hear them coming from miles away. That opinion is pretty explicit: