The past few days I have been getting some strange mood swings. I'm not the only one on that as Mistress has it too at times. My problem is that she is better able to control them than I am. When I'm in a mood like that then there is almost nothing that I don't see something bad about too and of course have to comment on.
Not that I'm not right in what I see. I truly think I am. But... why do I always have to be so black/white about it? I know there are greys too and when I've said it, I try to weaken it later. Of course then I already have a discussion on my hands that:
1. I can not win;
2. Upsets Miss;
3. Upsets myself.
Yesterday was another of those days. One thing was not good, the next was bad and the one after that didn't suit me. Mistress did everything right and simply stopped the discussion about it. Leaving me standing at a place that was "bad" and left for home, basically giving me the choice to follow or to do whatever else I wanted to.
When we finally had talked it over, I was showed something else and of course had to make my comments on it. I was asked why I reacted how I did and immediately recognised my error, apologizing and cursing in myself what on earth was wrong with me.
The punishment came in the form of good role-play from both sides but with a serious meaning behind it all. This was not meant only as role-play but as a warning to stop my behaviour too. The message was brought home and I felt something that has not been there for a while: Mistress's power over her girl. Something I obviously needed, even though I did not deliberately do or say those things to get that punishment.
When I'm like this, I obviously have something over me that is stronger than me. Maybe it would help to be simply told: "Kyla, remember last time when you were like this? You're doing it again".
I looked back at the very first entry I ever made in my diary and see a lot of similarities. I truly do not want to go through all the problems I have caused since then and realise I have to concentrate on not only not making this mistake again but not fall into a trap and make all the others too.
Maybe this will have a follow up soon. I think it is needed as I obviously take more freedom than I should and that will only get me in troubles.
Love,
Kyla
1. I can not win;
2. Upsets Miss;
3. Upsets myself.
Yesterday was another of those days. One thing was not good, the next was bad and the one after that didn't suit me. Mistress did everything right and simply stopped the discussion about it. Leaving me standing at a place that was "bad" and left for home, basically giving me the choice to follow or to do whatever else I wanted to.
When we finally had talked it over, I was showed something else and of course had to make my comments on it. I was asked why I reacted how I did and immediately recognised my error, apologizing and cursing in myself what on earth was wrong with me.
The punishment came in the form of good role-play from both sides but with a serious meaning behind it all. This was not meant only as role-play but as a warning to stop my behaviour too. The message was brought home and I felt something that has not been there for a while: Mistress's power over her girl. Something I obviously needed, even though I did not deliberately do or say those things to get that punishment.
When I'm like this, I obviously have something over me that is stronger than me. Maybe it would help to be simply told: "Kyla, remember last time when you were like this? You're doing it again".
I looked back at the very first entry I ever made in my diary and see a lot of similarities. I truly do not want to go through all the problems I have caused since then and realise I have to concentrate on not only not making this mistake again but not fall into a trap and make all the others too.
Maybe this will have a follow up soon. I think it is needed as I obviously take more freedom than I should and that will only get me in troubles.
Love,
Kyla
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