Kyla's Diary

It's been way too long that I posted something in my diary so it's time. So here’s a new one and a useful one too for me.

A week ago, maybe two, Mistress and I agreed on an experiment at which we switched for a while. Mistress immediately told me it would be temporary. She just did not know till what time but was sure enough that there would sooner or later (probably sooner) be a moment that she wanted to take control back.

Well, nothing wrong with an experiment between two that trust each other so well. On the other hand, I warned her that once I was in the right dominant mood, I might not be able to immediately switch back easily. So I think we were both prepared for having to start over to a certain degree to get me back then to the level I was before this experiment. Boy, did things turn out different from what we both (or at least I) anticipated.

After a first relaxed few days, I slowly started to restrict my love more and more. Having fun in doing so and really loved the mood I was in. Mistress enjoyed it too and we had some nice scenes and power exchange. All was going well and I was sure that Mistress, even if she enjoyed her new role for a while, would soon get enough of it.

At a certain moment I said something in the heat of the moment that I should not have. Not even that bad but I found Mistress pulling herself back. I did not even notice at the beginning but when I did, I knew before she said something, what it was about. No problem, things like that happen and the other way around it happens sometimes too. You apologize, give each other a hug and then go on from where you were before it happened. This time was slightly different though...

When Mistress told me that she did not like what I had just said, a natural reaction might have been to go defensive, getting mad yourself at first, or simply acknowledging it and continue. Instead of one of those, I felt myself being pulled back from a very dominant to a super submissive mood. So fast and unexpected that I was totally confused and was not even able to hold my tears back.

Did I have difficulties in switching back? Was Mistress the one that would have enough of our experiment first? Neither of those! I was put back on my place with a few simple words and emotionally I was not prepared for that at all. I indicated Mistress that I was confused and crying. Regretfully it was just at a moment that she was about to leave. I reassured her that it was not bad and that she might even like it once I would tell her but that right now at that moment I was struggling with something.

The day after that, we talked about it and I told her what was "wrong" with me, that I could still feel the effects almost 24 hours later. The decision was made quickly so here I am, back where I belong at my Mistress's feet.

Does this mean the experiment failed? I don't think so. An experiment is to try out something from which you are not sure of the outcome. Now we know the outcome and also learned that I am conditioned deeper than we thought. Deep enough for me to make it almost impossible for me to dominate my Mistress for a longer time because I will be pulled back the first possible moment she ever speaks up to me. Sure, for one scene it can be fun at times, also for the future. But that is only a role we both play that we might enjoy at times. Truly switching is a whole different thing and I am simply not able to do so.

Love,
Kyla