Kyla's Diary

... Is not always easy.

Even If Mistress and I understand each other well normally, once in a while the meaning of what is said is not translated as it should be because of the lack of body language and intonation. As a result, one of us reads something entirely different in a sentence than what is meant by the writer.

Normally this can be quite funny and leads to some misunderstandings and explaining to do. Other times we might not even notice it and both have a complete wrong picture in our minds but both are perfectly happy with it. There is also a last possibility though. This leads to misunderstanding and a big fight as a result.

A few days ago, we had something like that. I said something in a frustrated way because I was corrected for helping Mistress uninvited a few times in a row. My frustration was partially against Mistress perhaps but for 90% it was against myself that I could not draw the line when to act and when not (btw, it is a thin line here and sometimes hard to judge when to, or when not). So I responded: "I won't help you at all anymore, I have enough of being corrected for it".

Reading that sentence back now and knowing Mistress' way of receiving of it, I realise that I could have been clearer.
She received it as: Kyla is stubborn and sulking now and being a total bitch for not wishing to be corrected by me.
Where I meant it as: This is the third time in 2 days now. I will not help you anymore unless being asked.

Sure, I did not write what I meant, and yes, I was frustrated. Mistress was not in the mood to deal with, what must have looked in her eyes as, an uppity sub and the collision was there. I was ordered home and was even more frustrated because even if I understood that Mistress was mad for some reason. I did not understand about what really. We left with the promise to talk this over the day after that.

So a day later when Mistress came on, I had almost forgotten about it already because I did not think there to be a reason for Mistress to be mad. When I was asked if I thought it to be ok what I said the day before, I still had my meaning in mind and responded that I did not see anything wrong with it. Mistress was obviously still very upset and told me that there was no reason to talk it over then.

So now it was my turn to push Mistress in explaining what was wrong in her eyes. When she explained me her interpretation of what I wrote, I suddenly saw it too and understood it all too well. It took me more time to convince Mistress that I did not meant to send it like she received it.

Sure, my wording could have been better and I should not react frustrated but hey, I'm human too and I make mistakes. On the other hand, Mistress can know by now that I love her to pieces and that I will not deliberately hurt her feelings. So if she perceives that I do so anyway, she could have explained immediately how I made her feel. Then I would have been confronted with it directly and perhaps a few simple words from both sides would have cleared it all up.

Well, maybe not. Both of us can be headstrong at times and perhaps things like this are unavoidable in an environment where the written word is the only way of communication. Add to that, that we were in the middle of a fight when it happened (fighting game that is) where adrenaline makes both more agressive for a while and things are easily said wrong.. or perceived wrong.

One thing I personally learned from this is to try and control my frustration and try to see what it is that is wrong. And if I do not see it, ask in a polite way why someone is upset over what looks like a perfectly innocent text to me.

Like I said: I will try it. Just as I think Mistress will try next time to ask herself if perhaps I did not mean it as she received it.

Love,
Kyla